Yours Sincerely

I'm going to try to make this post as brief and straight to the point as possible (like that has ever worked). I'd also like to say that I am as guilty of what I'm writing about as anyone else who might get their conscience pricked while reading this. I was reading/studying my Bible this morning and came across a verse I had previously marked out. For some reason I lingered there a while, reading it and feeling God was trying to say something to me through the verse. I read the verse, over and over again till one word in it began to stand out, and that word was "earnestly". What I did next, I admit, was a bit strange as I thought I had a good understanding of what the word meant but in hindsight, I see it was very necessary. By God's leading, I picked my phone up and searched for a dictionary definition of earnestly and then everything became clearer - my accidental foray into the Book of Hebrews and my fascination with the word "earnestly" all started to make sense to me. The first definition of earnestly I found read: 

"...with sincere and intense conviction." 

I was pretty sure I knew what intense meant so I searched for sincere and came up with,  

"...free from pretense or deceit; proceeding from genuine feelings." 

Almost immediately, I sank to my knees and asked God for mercy, like literally begged for mercy and asked Him to take away everything that was making me seek Him for insincere reasons because I knew I did. I really can't share everything here because some stories are really personal to me but I'm sure if you do some soul searching, you'd quickly relate with what I was going through in that moment. I felt such shame because I knew; I knew that my seeking God wasn't always free from pretense. As a result, my prayer life would almost always come most alive just before my exams or a performance or ministration, simply because I needed God's help to see me through. Or worse still after a major mistake when I needed God to fix things for me, and once He was done I would be gone as far away as possible to be close enough to come back. And all that happened because I wasn't earnestly seeking Him. I was seeking Him quite alright but my search didn't proceed from genuine feelings. I just saw Him as a means to an end and so when things didn't go the way I thought He'd make them go (and that happened quite a few times), I would get upset and pack my bags.

That's wrong in every way possible and today I realized I had been living that way for a while. I was chasing God's rewards which ironically, are meant only for those who seek Him without thoughts of any reward being attached to their followership.  

And without faith it is impossible to please God, 

because anyone who comes to Him must believe that He exists 

and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him. 

Hebrews 11:6 (NIV) 

God can tell the difference between those who seek Him earnestly and those who do it in return for something. As such, He gets hurts when He's sought after just for selfish reasons and definitely would not reward such selfishness. 

Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, 

and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need. 

Matthew 6:33 NLT 

But first and most importantly seek (aim at, strive after) His kingdom and His righteousness [His way of doing and being right—the attitude and character of God], and all these things will be given to you also. 

Matthew 6:33 AMP 

For the glory of God, 

Diazno 

 

Dealing with Failure (1)

"Success is never final and failure never fatal. 
It's courage that counts."

I was about 8 or 9 when I first read that quote and I must confess, it didn't make much sense to me then. I had never failed an exam or test, was top of my class, (actually, all my classes) and had pretty much succeeded at all I did. Success was a way of life for me and so I wrote all my exams not really bothered about whether I would pass or not. Topping the class had become more or less a norm and my new obsession was getting perfect scores.

All that was about to change and then only would the quote make sense to me. I left elementary school and got into secondary school (high school) and suddenly wasn't top of my class or year anymore. What a shocker! Well, after a while, that wasn't so bad anymore. The guy who beat me to both top of class and year was my best friend and he's really smart! I quickly adjusted to my new role of second best which was still cool but that even couldn't prepare me for the biggest shock of my life at that time.

I had begun to develop an interest in music after being shipped along with my brother, who at that time was quite interested in it, to music classes. We both took lessons for a year and at the recommendation of our music teacher, sat for the MUSON Grade 1 Music Theory exam. Looking back now, I'm still really lost for words as to what could have gone wrong. We prepared very well for the exam, got good scores in our practice tests, and as a result, were really confident about getting really good grades. My brother unsurprisingly passed with a Distinction while I failed. I remember my brother breaking the news of my first failed attempt and it was like a part of me died that Tuesday night. I sat on the floor just beside my bed and cried my heart out till I fell asleep. I couldn't talk or eat that night and remained very moody for days. I had never felt that depressed and then the message in the quote became really clear to me. I had had so much success I thought it was final but then failed and had to decide if I would let my failure would be fatal. I almost did. I continued to take music lessons but couldn't bring myself to write any music exams - not till I graduated from high school with my mind firmly set on studying music. Even then, I was still very scared of going back in to write any music exam.

Anyway, I found the courage the author of the quote was talking about, faced my greatest fear, and wrote the Grade 5 music theory exam. Somehow, I didn't fail. I didn't get any of the good scores I had grown so accustomed to receiving and I was once again disheartened. At that point, I almost quit and said to myself, "Maybe this music isn't really for you". But the voice of truth wouldn't let me. He said, "Go back in, give it another shot!" And I did. I prepared and went back in for the grade 6 exam and passed with a distinction. I saw my actual score - it read 96.5% - and nearly passed out. The rest they say is history. I went on to study on a scholarship from the MTN Foundation, graduated top of my class, took home the top prizes and started teaching at MUSON. By the time I graduated, I had three Grade 8 certificates in three different disciplines from the Associated Board Royal Schools of Music, London and the Trinity College of Music, London.

In this journey of mine, I've also come to the conclusion that neither success nor failure is fatal. It's truly courage to continue that counts. I hope this post of mine has inspired you to reach beyond whatever failure you've experienced or are currently experiencing for the success that lies on ahead.


P.s: Please look out for the follow-up post to this. I'll be sharing my perspective of what courage is. Also, feel free to leave your comments below and follow by email to have subsequent posts delivered directly to your email.


Towards a better humanity,
Diazno

True Confession

Have mercy on me, Lord and forgive my sins.

Sins through my thoughts, words, actions and inactions. 

What I have done and what I have failed to do - 

including those I don’t remember. 

Amen.  

Believe it or not this is how I’ve prayed for forgiveness for a long time, until recently. Looking closely at the above prayer it encompasses everything actually. As a result, I didn’t exactly see the need in telling God that I took extra meat from the pot when I wasn't asked to because I mean, He is all knowing. Now imagine if someone overheard me in confession telling God stuff like:  

"I lied, so that my brother and not I would be punished" 

or  

"I wasn’t where I said I was going to be at a particular time."  

  

Wouldn't that be weird? I mean, God knows all this already so why prolong the talk? 

  

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, 

and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" 

1 John 1:9 

Confessing our sins, I've come to realize isn't best done by generalizing. We actually should tell God all about it; sometimes even, what you felt during and after. Admitting where exactly we've gone wrong is the first step to total repentance and contrary to popular belief, confessing our wrongs doesn’t make us seem weak before Him. We actually are weak and He's cool with that - promising even to provide strength for us then. 

  

"If we say that we have not sinned we make Him a liar 

and His word is not in us." 

1 John 1:10 

 A friend of mine told me recently about how he's currently on a journey of no shame with God. At first, that didn’t make any sense to me but after a while, I began to understand the importance of embarking on such a journey. God wants us to be open in ALL our dealings with Him, just as we would with our closest friends. Imagine hearing gist about your close friend and waiting patiently for them to tell you about it only for them to leave out all the details when they do - details you're already aware of. No one wouldn't feel hurt especially when they've been really open. Sadly, that’s exactly how most of us treat God. He knows you enjoyed the sex, so why hide anything while confessing? Tell Him how you only remembered Him and felt bad after the act, or how you felt no remorse lying to your boss. Of course, He already knows, so why not just be sincere? 

 "Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, 

but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy. 

Proverbs 28:13 

We shouldn't be too proud or shy even, when we're with God so go on and tell Him about how you’re jealous of your friend’s relationship or how you wished that girl who was rude to you would have fallen off the stairs earlier today. He's not going to share your secrets with others. Tell Him and let Him begin the work of healing you. That’s what He wants most - a perfectly balanced fellowship characterized by total openness. A give-and-take relationship, you may, where it's not just Him revealing secrets to us but we're totally unashamed about revealing all our dirty secrets to Him. 

Yours sincerely,

'Nanya

P.s: This article obviously wasn't written by me. I remember reading it for the first time and being like "This has to go on the blog!". I've been blessed by it and I'm sure you too have. Thanks for reading!

Lesser or Greater

You know how we've always been brought up to believe that we're the 'best of our kind' and need not play second fiddle to anyone. That whoever some other person is or can be, we also can and sometimes must become. Now I'm not calling out those who have preached this or those who practice it, I'm just saying I don't subscribe to it as a rule anymore and I'd share why. Jonathan and David had a truly remarkable relationship which fills me with desire. Desire to have such a friend, desire to be such a friend to someone! You see, we were taught to see Jonathan and David as best of friends - to admire the exemplary bond of love and respect they had for each other. And while this isn't false, in actual reality, they were more than this. They were rivals - yes, rivals for the throne of Israel. David would be the reason Jonathan would not be King and they both knew this. 

  

"And Saul's son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. "Don't be afraid," he said. "My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this." 

1 Samuel 23:16-17 

 Profound! His father Saul was furious at the thought of this. His son, heir to his throne, was willingly going to play 2nd fiddle to the son of one of his subjects. Obviously, Jonathan knew and understood something Saul didn't - something even we probably haven't yet fully grasped. Because even I question if I would be so honourable, were I to be in Jonathan's shoes. Would I have helped David as much as Jonathan did? Would you? 

  

"Jonathan said to David, "Whatever you want me to do, I'll do for you." 

1 Samuel 20:4 

  

And indeed Jonathan kept his word. From covering up for David to helping him escape from Saul who was trying to kill him, he did all he could to make sure David became king of Israel. God created two lights - two lights. But He created them differently, to serve two different purposes. And in Genesis it's clearly stated that one light was created greater and the other lesser.  

   

"God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night. He also made the stars." 

Genesis 1:16 

 The sun was made to be this big, imposing, always conspicuous ball of fire that no one would miss - the center of the universe - just who many of us would love to be. The moon and stars were created in contrast to be much smaller and tame, in fact with the moon having no light of it's own. Instead depending on the sun for light. Not the center of any universe and I dare say, not how many of us would like to be.  

As humans, we grow up to love the spotlight - wanting always to be the center of attraction and loving every second we are. We want to be the sun and have the entire solar system revolve around us, consequently, we miss out on the beauty of being the moon or stars. Yes, that's true! I mean literally what has the sun in its fullness to offer that compares with that of the moon. Think of the beauty of a crescent moon and that of the full moon with stars all around: how they fill one with awe and radiate in a truly beautiful manner that though borrowed from the sun, overshadows the sun's light in breathtaking ways. And yes, they're the 'lesser' lights.

Towards a better humanity, 

Diazno